Broken…..

Posted: May 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

Captain’s log                       Stardate: 64848.2 (May 06, 2011)

You know me well my dear. A girl like you can really notice the person even if he or she was from the other side of the mirror. No matter how I assure you that I’m fine, you will never take my word, until you see it for yourself. As what you had stated…..

You may not believe me. But its alright with me dear. I understand how unconvincing this may sounds to you. But in the nicest of ways, as how I explain to you now, I’m trying to let go in what is deemed unhealthy for me. What’s the used of feeling sad and hurt, when there’s no apparent reason for you to feel sad or hurt isn’t it? When we are at that stage, we usually have our reasons as to why. All we need is someone who we talk to. To be our listening ear. To listen to our problems. To feel as to what the person’s feel. To place himself or herself in that person shoes.

I admit. I do feel hurt, and sad at certain times. With a reason of course. But I just couldn’t bear the thought of sharing this with you. I just can’t! I really don’t know what’s happening inside me! I feel like I’m lacked of everything! I’m losing my grip. My heart felt like as though its been rip apart. At certain times, I feel like I just wanna cry. I feel so mentally drained and just don’t know what to do…=(

I’m so sorry my dear….I wish I could. Maybe…this is not the right time for me. There will be the day where I will share with you. We’ll just have to find a schedule spot to sit down, and I will tell you straight from my heart.

Please forgive me if what I had mentioned earlier sounds harsh to you. Its not that I’m trying to exaggerate or vent out some anger. But as honestly and sincere as I could, these are somethings that I can pour it out here. I’m only trying to honest. I hope you understand…

You were everybody’s listening ear. You hear their stories, their feelings….and I believe that’s how you are quite open to them in some sense. Reminding them time and again to have faith and be strong. To let go in what has been tormented in the cells and to think positively. Cause the more they felt that way, the more they are going to hurt yourself.

This, reflects back to me too. The pain, has been killing me. Seriously. I don’t want to give up hope. I really don’t. If I give up now, its hard for me to turn back. Wherever time goes, you follow. Giving up on hope is like losing faith and confidence in yourself, and as the result, you ended up looking down at yourself. I don’t want that to happen to me! Its just not worth it. Its unhealthy.

You want me to be happy and cheerful at times. And that is a promise, that I won’t try to compromise. I will try… to forget what’s negative, and be truthful to oneself… I will try my best…..and to look at the bright side of things.

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