May Allah Always Be With You, Grandpa…

Posted: November 14, 2010 in Uncategorized

Captain’s log                           Stardate: 64371.4 (Nov 14th, 2010)

Losing a loved one, and someone we treasure has always been one of the hardest and coldest feeling in life. Is like having the rug swept from under you. Like as though the whole world had collapses in on you. And its just feel so different when they are not around. Its just not the same without them.

My grandfather passed away peacefully yesterday (Nov 13th) in the hospital. Time of his death was 0035Hrs. His age was 78. He passed away due to old age. And also, he was critically ill. He was the only grandfather I ever had when he’s around. My other grandfather, which was my father’s side passed away when I was only 2 years old.

Since I was just an infant, my grandpa has been taken care of me the most. As what I can remember, I’m his first grandson to open up to him. As what my mom had told me, it was the happiest moment for him to had his first grandson to be cradle in his arms. During those times, he had taken care of me when my father had to undergo his police training and my mother was still seriously ill after giving birth to me. Also, I suffered from fits, and it was one of those scariest moment that my family were facing. Cause my grandma ever told me, that on few occasions, my body was cold and that I nearly turned blue. I was critically ill and you could only imagine the worse. My grandpa had been strong to aid me, to stay with me. Sacrificing his time, in his power to rush me to the hospital every now and then. He didn’t sleep, he didn’t eat. He prayed hard all day long, even stayed in the hospital. Watch over me through those glass window. Watching me, with tears welled in his eyes, while I was been monitored inside one of those infant care units. He just couldn’t bear to watch me with all those tubes inserted in me. It was just too….horrifying for him. He can only rely on God to save me…

Once I’ve learned how to walk, he took me to the beaches. Together with grandma. I couldn’t remember a single thing about it until I saw the photo albums taken by him. So many outings. Indeed, he had spend a lot of time with me when I’m just a young boy.

He had even taught me how to cycle. That’s one of the greatest memories that I’m willing to share. No matter how many times I fall, he will always be there to help me back on my feet. He was very patient, and he teach me one step at a time. He wants me to be able to cycle on just two wheels. No more on four. Normally he will train me at East Coast Park, choosing one of the tracks that doesn’t had many cyclists pedaling there. He watch me progress, until the time comes for him to finally let go of his hands once I learn how to balance and negotiate properly.

And if its not for him, I would never know what’s Star Trek is all about. He was an avid fan of this sci-fiction himself and had told me everything about it ever since I become totally obsessed into it back in 2003. That’s the time where I first started watching it. He had introduced to me the very first Star Trek been telecast many years ago. The legendary USS Enterprise, with the legendary Captain James T. Kirk, Commander Spock and their veterans. Slowly I’ve learned the names, the series, the past movies, the ships, so on, till now. And very time I glance at my models of Star Trek ships, it will somehow make me think about him. I know for some reason that I’ve helped to keep the trek family within us alive, knowing that this couldn’t have been accomplished without him.

That day when he was dying in hospital……..we are only told to be prepare. And before he was to breathe in through the oxygen tank, he make us to promise him, to take care of ourselves, especially me, and to move on with our lives. He always regard me as one of his beloved grandson, cause I was the closest to him ever since I was born. I myself was worth everything to him, and almost like a true son to him. He had been a great role model and a mentor for me. He had lived long enough to watch his children, his grandchildren grows. To lived as one whole. Providing us in whatever means necessary, and not even once he ever get tired of it.

Till the time comes when he knew that he have to leave us. And he’s not afraid. He knew that God loves him and he’s ready for it. “At least my suffering its over…..” as what he had whispered to us before he was unable to regain conscious because of being diagnose with low blood pressure. I just couldn’t bear the feeling, to see him in pain, the suffering, and my legs just gave away. From there onwards, we could only watch him. Into a state of coma. Lying there………just lying there….

Then, the call came in. Grandpa is now with God….

Fond memories flooded in my mind as I watched him been buried into the soil at the cemetery. Finally at rest, and at peace. I couldn’t help fighting back the tears, just watching it. I stood there, knowing that I just lost the only grandfather I ever had.

How long since I’ve last cried? Its been so long…… But its ok to cry, in times like this. Even right now. While writing this down. Every memories shared, causes me to shed those tears away, knowing how much I loved and care for the person who had showered me with so much loved when I’m just an infant. Since the beginning of time where I was brought to this world, and since the time where I had opened my eyes to the world. Raising me up. Teaching me the rights and wrong. Every day counts, and all of this were treasures that can never be replaced. I was told, that memories are what keeps a person alive. It is a blessing to be able to leave at peace with the world and in peace with love ones around him. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love. He may be gone, but he’s still in our hearts. We just have to remember the valuable lessons that he had taught in life. With that, he can never seem far away from us. We just have to move on with our lives…..

I just hope, he had forgive me for any mistakes I’ve done before he’s gone. I know I’m wrong about some things, but deep down I still care. I will never forget the times that we’ve spend…

May Allah always be with you Grandpa. I love you, and I miss you so much……=(

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